thank God for small miracles

If you've been reading my blogs, you know I am under a time crunch to get my portfolio done, the first of two major "exams" I need to take as a PhD student. It's due at noon on February 26, and it's a crucial exam: if I don't pass, I don't continue. I've also been having mental blocks getting through it, which don't help in the least. Narrative or editorial-type writing I can do with ease; academic writing, specifically within the field of rhetoric, is another story altogether.

I'm not sure if I've explained the portfolio exam before or not, and don't feel like checking, so here goes: I have to "revise" (rewrite) two papers I did in my classes, one long (10-20 double-spaced pages) and one short (shorter than our long one). I also have to write rhetorical analyses of these papers, explaining how I came up with the topics and how and why I revised them (duh, because you told me to--of course, I can't say that; it's the "fake rhetorical situation" I do my best to avoid putting my own students in). That's it. Hmph. (You try it.)

Tomorrow is a small, but important, deadline in the milieu of my portfolio exam: I promised my advisor he would have a draft of my long paper--one that I know he is hoping is fairly polished, well-thought-out, and near to completion. Ideally, I should be able to give him a copy of my short paper, too. Although I'm very doubtful that the latter is going to happen, I'm very optimistic about the possibility of delivering the long one into his hands, especially after the small miracle God gave me today (which I by no means deserve).

When my alarm went off at 2:00 am and I hopped out of bed to start working on the portfolio, I said a short prayer to God: God, I know I don't deserve this, and I probably don't have any right to be asking you anything right now. But I need your help. I need to concentrate, and I need to get this paper done. Will you help me? I got a little sidetracked with student emails, but since 3:00 am-ish I have working on the long paper. At 4:00 pm, I brushed my teeth and decided to see if a student who had been planning on dropping by my afternoon office hours had emailed me. I was hoping to cancel my office hours so I could get a little more done before attending class tonight from 6:00 - 9:00. I didn't have an email from my student, but lo and behold--an email from Carl, my professor, cancelling class. Thank God for small miracles.

I emailed my student to tell him I won't be at my office (I don't have his phone number) and am about to run out to grab a calorie-laden bite to eat (hey, I've been averaging well below my calorie-count goal this week). But I just wanted to offer this small thank you and send up another quick prayer in response: God, please give me the energy, stamina, and concentration to use this extra time you've given me wisely. I still need your help--knowing me, it's impossible to do on my own!