a long, wordy update

I should be grading. I should be recording attendance. I should be doing lesson plans. But I'm not. Instead, I'm taking a moment to interrupt my life (although, really, it's been "interrupted" by things out of the ordinary for several months now, and some would argue several years, since I took the unconventional move away from my boyfriend-fiance-husband to pursue a PhD) to write another update. An update about mom, me, the family, goings-on, you know. Read on if you're interested.

Mom
There's no easy way to say this; mom's been slipping again. Since Saturday, she's been hallucinating. At first, she'd just say a few things to Beth that didn't make sense. Then she started talking when no one was in the room; as soon as I'd pop my head in and say, "What?", she'd shake her head and say, "Sorry. I'm just getting confused." Then she started holding conversations during the night instead of sleeping; every time I'd wake up, I'd peek in on her and she'd be talking. Very quietly, but talking. She's aware that she's doing it, but says that to her the "conversations" she's having seem real and make sense (until we ask her about them or just walk into the room and interrupt her). Last night, she started seeing things (or maybe she has been all along and just hasn't said anything). She thought there was a basket of stuff on her bed that she wanted dad to move before she went to sleep; when we asked her "what stuff" she wanted moved, she realized that it wasn't really there.

The good news, if there is good news about this phase of mom's illness, is that she's done this before and been worse (from what I understand; it was the week that I was sick and couldn't see her while she was in the hospital, but she scared everyone that week and it eventually led to her being "kicked" out of the hospital and put into hospice care). At that point the doctors thought she had a maximum of two weeks. It was about seven or eight weeks ago. And after about a week of these hallucinations, she stopped seeing things and holding conversations that we weren't a part of and has been fine (in a sense) since. So this could go away. But usually something like this is in response to changes in medication, and while the doctors have taken her off of some meds, she hasn't had anything that would have this type of effect added to her med list. She has been taking more of her "emergency" medication lately--Roxinal, which is a form of fast-acting morphine--but not enough (or regularly enough) to make the hallucinations last this long. So we (the family) really don't know what to think of them. I don't like them because it bothers mom to know she's having them.

Mom did have a good day yesterday, and I got a "bonus" day off (non-working day away from mom and dad's house) and another night at home because dad took Monday off work--to rest and spend time with her. Mom told him that she really enjoyed having him there all day; when he's off on the weekends, he usually has to run errands, go grocery shopping, go to church, etc. Because she enjoyed it so much, he's thinking of taking next week off if it won't burden anyone at work. He has FMLA time that he can take, and even though he won't get paid for it, he can afford it thanks to the benefit. I think it would be good for both of them, and even though I'd be around part of the week, it would give me a little more time off, too (I could use it). We'll see; he has to check at work to see if it's even possible.

Me
How am I? Tired, but in better spirits than I was last week. That's probably because I got to spend Sunday night at my own home with my family--my husband, my cat, and my puppy--and sleep in my own bed. I'm sleeping better, and my puppy is eating better and almost house-trained. Sena is still suspicious of Mya and hisses, bats at her, runs from her, and ignores her alternately (whichever the situation calls for). Mya either barks, growls, and lunges at Serena or runs from her and tries to hide between my legs, depending on Serena's reaction to her barking and growling. Mya seems to think cat food tastes better than dog food and Sena prefers any cheese or milk that Al and I may be eating or drinking. But back to me.

I'm tired simply because I'm busy, and whereas two weeks ago I felt like I would never get anything done (and I still get frustrated at not even being able to prepare and eat a meal without getting interrupted), I'm slowly starting to feel accomplished again: I've been able to tackle teaching (barely), my schooling (again, barely), the house, and the baby blanket.

For teaching, I got through class this morning with barely enough preparation (something I hate to do); I am confident that I will get my grading done in time to hand back to my 2:00 class (only three more to go). I may even get my morning class's projects graded in time to hand back on Thursday, although that's being a bit ambitious (but there are only five since they are group projects). I'll be able to plan for Thursday's classes, though, without a problem. For my own schooling, I updated my major professor on mom's status, checked into registration for next semester (got to register so I don't have to start paying student loans or re-enroll at the university), and figured out what I can enroll for and got that rolling. I even decided that I'll try to take my comprehensive exams in early February; it's a seventeen-day process that I was going to tackle early this semester, but for obvious reasons, I've been unable to do that. After exams, it will be a home stretch to the dissertation; I'll just have to write it and do my oral exams before I'm Doc Rhonda. (Of course, that will be with a newborn, but we'll worry about that when it happens; after all, I'm not working next semester or summer, and since I can't be on a job search right now, probably not next fall unless I get a gig like this again.)

I've been able to start working on my house again, too. Well, get things rolling to get work done. I'm not actually doing most of the work since we hired Ryan to finish the painting that I barely started in the kitchen/family room. It's looking good! He's probably going to finish it today, but I've got more work to negotiate with him after that. More painting: the hallway (it's so dingy since Al has never, ever painted it since he moved in ten-plus years ago) and my office, which I just painted last year, but which Al is "moving into" with me since the baby's taking over his computer/rec room. He may not get his Cure or Beatles posters back up on the walls, but at least he won't have to deal with a color scheme he doesn't like (he thinks brown and blue don't go together since "warm and cool colors don't mix," and I guess the rest of the world is wrong about that color scheme). I'm going with a pale blue that should still look good and will get rid of the brown for him, and maybe even be good for the little one to move into if we end up having another (by that time, of course, we'll have had to work in the basement so I can have an office down there...). After that, Ryan and Al will talk about maybe possibly working on putting in overhead lighting together, at least in the baby's room and in the kitchen. It'll be hard to coordinate, though, since Al's working almost the entire month of November (hunting season). And although I'm not having Ryan paint the baby's room--I want to do that myself--I've been working on the quilt. In fact, it's almost done; I just need to quilt it and put on the binding. I'll post pictures when it's finished. It's not perfect, but I love it. And it will definitely not be a typical baby's room, which I'm very happy about.

(Aside: I realized I've talked much more about myself than mom. I'm not trying to be self-centered, but it's easier. I know what to say when it comes to me. I don't quite know what to say when it comes to mom besides describing her physical and mental condition.)

The Family
One thing I haven't talked about in my blogs much--but been asked about frequently--is how the family's taking everything. People ask about dad the most, and it's hard to answer. That's just because dad's being dad. He doesn't act much differently than normal; he still needs to work, go grocery shopping, and run errands; he still goes to church (although he hasn't been able to do nursery duty lately); he still makes dumb jokes that I can't help laughing at. He still grinds his coffee at 5:00 every morning. (Right outside my bedroom door, I might add.) Dad's not an overly emotional person--certainly not like most of us on my mom's side of the family--and doesn't talk about or show his emotions a lot. But I know he's been working on getting along without mom, and it hasn't been easy. Just getting the bills/paperwork in order has been frustrating for him, and he's been asking her questions about things she normally does that he'll need to take care of in the future. It's hard for him to see her losing weight, losing strength, and starting to hallucinate, since he doesn't quite know what to do for her at those times.

There was one clue that dad's taking this harder than he shows: He was a little upset, and adamant at first, when we suggested having Thanksgiving at their house as usual this year. Well, almost as usual: it's usually mine and my brothers' "off-year," the year we spend with the inlaws, but at least one of my brothers and me and Al are going to do a breakfast/brunch thing with the inlaws (normal for me and Al anyway) and then planning on spending the rest of the day with dad regardless of whether mom's still here or not. Beth wants to do the turkey and we'll spread the rest of the dishes out amongst us, but dad did not want to have Thanksgiving at the house. When Beth suggested it, he said, "Ask me in two and a half weeks," which made me think he thinks mom might not be around by then. But dad and I talked about it again a couple of days ago, and he agreed to do it at his house. For one thing, if mom is still here, we can't all go somewhere else and leave her alone; we'll just be eating off of trays instead of a table, which we're fine with. But if he changes his mind, there's always the option to do it at my house, and my brother even suggested they might be willing to do it at theirs. Wherever it ends up being, we'll be together, although eating later than normal (4:00 or 5:00 rather than 1:00 or 2:00).

My sister(s, including the in-laws) and brothers are doing everything they can, too. They each come by the house at least a couple of times a week and usually try to spend an hour or so with mom, but they make sure they spend time with dad and I, as well. We'll eat together or watch a movie together or just sit and talk and adore and play with Ella or Mya (or try to avoid Mya if she's in one of her hyper moods). We're each taking the whole thing in stride, and doing our best to support each other. I'm proud of each of them; I've had the most time with mom since I'm the oldest (years) and I'm staying at the house (end-of-life-time), but I can't imagine being younger like they are and going through this now. We're anticipating the three new young ones that will arrive in February, March, and April (both of my sisters-in-law are pregnant) but it's with a little sadness since odds are that mom won't be here. Ryan's still out of work and doing odd jobs to get by (thus the house-painting), but dad's manager agreed to interview him (that's something else you can pray for--a job for Ryan). And I can't forget about my husband; he's been the most supportive, loving husband, doing everything he can to spend time with mom and support me. He's complained a lot less than I have about not having me at home (in fact, he hasn't complained at all, but he's kind-of used to living like a bachelor!) and comes to visit me every night (unless he has hockey early, which he does tonight).

Everyone else? They're all taking it in their own way. My mom's family is being my mom's family--and I love them to death--but there's the usual high emotions (some in front of mom and us, some not), the usual judgments of each other (we're very opinionated, not afraid to express our opinions, and hold each other and ourselves to very high standards), and the usual complaining and/or bickering that results. It's not pleasant to have anyone complaining that "so-and-so should do more" and then call and tell so-and-so what they think, but we're dealing. In the end, we know that everyone loves mom and is doing what they think is best for her. And they're there for her; nearly every member of our family has come to visit as often as they can, and those that haven't live several states away. My dad's family comes to visit, too, and is as supportive of us as they can be. We're surrounded by love and concern, and that's a hundred times better than the opposite: no one visiting, no one caring, which is what the hospice workers tell us they see all too often.

Goings-On
If you've made it this far, bless you. I know I tend to be a bit wordy. :) That's about all I have for this week, other than to say I think I'll actually be able to make it to the Halloween party my friends are having this weekend. That excites me to no end; I just want to see my friends and spend a night having fun (not particularly talking about mom, although I know that will come up). I think I've covered everything else, except to say that if you've called/emailed and I haven't responded, sorry! And I'll try to get better. Oh, and I forgot to change out of my slippers and into my shoes before leaving for work today, which is painfully obvious since they don't match my outfit. But at least my feet are warm and comfy! Adieu for now...