home at last

Mom's been home almost a week now, and she's loving being at home (except, I'm sure, the whole not being able to get out of bed or do much of anything thing). She's been able to eat at least two meals a day and keeps about half of them down. She's already read one book and has another one waiting, and each evening dad sits with her and they talk or watch one of their favorite television programs--Dancing With the Stars and Survivor both started this week, so it's good viewing for them (they even went home early from dessert night at Aunt Judy's on Thanksgiving for the past few years just to watch Survivor). I've been trying to keep her, the dishes, and the laundry clean, but it's been a little hard to do any schoolwork here, whether it's prepping for my classes or working on my dissertation. I'm hoping that changes now that I've got mom's office set up as my temporary bedroom and have both of my computers hooked up to the router.

The visitor scene was pretty calm until last night. Before then, Aunt Janet, Aunt Carolyn, and Aunt Judy were the only ones to come by--well, except my brothers when she got up last Saturday (I wasn't here yet). But last night, my brothers, sisters-in-law, and niece came; Uncle Keith and Aunt Marge came; a couple mom and dad knew from Calvary came; and a neighbor from down the street came. Of course, this was all before dad and Al even got here for the evening, and in the midst of it all Aunt Lorinda called (I asked if they could call her back--mom wouldn't have been able to hear anything with all of those people around, and dad wasn't home yet). Surprisingly, everyone was gone by 8:00 pm. Mom and dad got to watch Survivor after all, and Al and I watched an episode of Chuck (season one) on DVD before watching the season premier of The Office (could have been better, but at least--and here comes the spoiler--Jim proposed to Pam! At a gas station, in the rain!).

Seems strange that my busy, busy week can fit into two small paragraphs like that. Carolyn's coming over today, so I'll be able to go home for a couple of hours and spend time with my cat (unfortunately, my husband will be at work). Jamie's dropping by with the kids in a few minutes so I'll have my hands busy until--and maybe for a while after--Carolyn gets here. Mom's resting. It must get boring laying around in bed all day; she didn't know what she wanted to do, so said she'd just lay there. I wish I could do more for her.

More next week (I hope), and thanks for all the love, support, and prayers. We appreciate it, and mom's been overwhelmed by all of the people who do or say things to show they care.

mom update

A lot has happened since I last wrote about mom, so I thought I'd better write an update. Besides, it's good timing. She's coming home tomorrow under hospice care.

Al and I got back from the weekend in Iowa on Sunday, September 7. I was feeling horrible that day--nauseous, headachey, and plagued by allergies (or so I thought)--so I let Al drive the entire way home. During a pit stop on the way home, dad called and said they were going to start mom on nutrition later that week since she wasn't eating. It could take one of three forms: an IV, which they were afraid would collapse her veins; going directly into her stomach, which would require surgery (but was mom strong enough to handle that?); or a feeding tube. I broke down in the gas station because a few days prior to that mom told me she didn't think she would last even three months. If she wouldn't eat, she wouldn't live, and who knew if she'd ever get off of nutrition once she accepted it. I had to have Al come into the gas station to pay for my drink since I couldn't stop crying.

When we got home, I collapsed into bed. I woke up at 4:30 the next morning with a horribly sore throat and realized that I was sick. Bad news, because I was supposed to go to the hospital and sit with mom that day. I ended up needing to call Beth, and she had to be there for almost 48 hours--and then go back and spend the nights that I was supposed to spend at the hospital that week. As I sat at home with a horrible cold, I heard stories that got worse and worse. She was hallucinating horribly and told Aunt Janet that she thought the hallucinations were God's way of helping her "transition" to death and the afterlife. And mid-week, she refused any kind of nutrition even though she couldn't eat. The best option for her had been the feeding tube and she didn't want it. So her doctor called a family meeting for Friday (the 12th) at 2:00. To me, that meant only one thing: the doctor thought mom was dying and wanted to talk to us about where we would like her to spend her final days.

Everyone but Ryan was able to make the meeting on Friday, but he was able to speak to the doctor the evening before. I had to wear a mask since my cold was still pretty bad. Mom seemed to be doing better than she had been--no hallucinations, at least--but wasn't really taking in anything we were saying. She didn't even remember being there. The doctor suggested hospice care, whether it was at the hospital, in a facility, or at home. We said we'd do a consultation.

On Saturday, Angela Hospice came in for what dad and mom thought was a consultation, and started filling out paperwork to admit her. Once they realized what was going on, mom and dad said they just wanted to talk about it. Mom wanted to stay at the hospital because she thought it would be easier on all of us. That turned out not to be an option. Okay, then, at the hospice facility. Nope. They only had sixteen beds, all of which were full, and there was a waiting list. Mom didn't want to go home, so they decided she'd stay in the hospital and continue treatment. She was still getting radiation to her spine, and had the option of starting on her foot when that was done. So no hospice. Or so we thought.

Beth called me Tuesday morning with a sore throat. Seems this bad cold is going around, since Trent and Lilah were both sniffly and even the family mom used to be a nanny for have been sick for over a week. I went in for her that night and spent the night with mom, and mom, dad, and Carolyn threw me for a loop when I got there. The doctor had come in earlier that day with some bad news: mom was not going to be able to stay in the hospital. A higher-up doctor had called mom's doctor and started asking questions since, as of Tuesday, mom had been in the hospital for nine weeks. He asked if the doctor thought mom was terminal (yes), if there was anything the doctor thought would change that (no), what the purpose of the radiation was (comfort, not actual treatment of the cancer), and if the doctor thought mom would ever be able to start chemo again (no, she is too weak). He hinted that since they couldn't do anything for mom, they could use the bed--the hospital was full. At that point, we really had no choice. Dad called Angela Hospice back and set up an appointment for yesterday. We thought mom would be in the hospital about another week. What a surprise to find out they're planning on getting her out by Saturday at 1:00.

The new plan? Tonight's the last night mom and I will spend the night at the hospital, and hospice will stop by at the house tomorrow morning to bring by everything we need to take care of mom: a hospital bed, oxygen, medical supplies, etc. Aunt Carolyn will be with mom until they take her home in an ambulance and Beth, Dad, and possibly Carolyn will be there for mom when she gets home. I actually get to go to the Renaissance Festival with Al tomorrow (yippee!) and then to church tomorrow night, but after that, I'll be moving back in with mom and dad to take care of her (never, ever thought I'd be moving back in with my parents!). I've been watching the nurse's aides carefully, and am sure I can clean her up, help her turn and move, and do other things she'll need when hospice isn't there. So those of you that haven't seen or heard from me in a while, get ready for even less communication now--I'll have to stay in the house the majority of the time, leaving only to work or have precious short "dates" with my husband.

The good news is that we're all looking forward to the move home, and even mom's fears have been eased a bit. She said she's getting excited to go home. Janet is so excited that she already packed up a ton of the stuff that had ended up in mom's hospital room (including mom's journal, which she would have liked to write in). I'm looking forward to being able to at least be more comfortable in my parents' house--I did live there for years, and I'm bringing my computers so I can keep working. I'm even buying a baby monitor now so that I can sleep on a real bed but still hear mom at night if she needs me. I'll be able to cook and maybe tempt mom with more food (if she can keep it down--she managed a yogurt today), and Al can come visit and be more comfortable, too. And when Mya comes home (the puppy I have yet to meet, but should be coming home soon) I'll be able to be with her and train her. As for how long mom has, it always changes--a few days to a few weeks, but who knows. Mom has been doing good this week (not hallucinating, at least eating breakfast, alert and talking) and even thinks she might make it longer than she thought (maybe to Thanksgiving, Christmas, who knows?). We'll see. Just keep us in your prayers.

One more thing: Dad's work is putting on a benefit for our family on October 15. It's a spaghetti dinner at $15/person, but they'll take donations if you can't make it (it's downriver). It would help dad (and mom and even me), since we are considering hiring help from Comfort Keepers, a franchise that my aunt owns and that has people that can come in and help in situations like this. We at least need someone to stay with mom when I'm at work, and Beth's FMLA is running out and dad doesn't even get paid for FMLA (he's out of vacation days). Anyway. I'm not one to plug for money, but people keep asking what they can do, so if you want more details, contact me personally. There will be door prizes if you can make it to the dinner. I don't know if I'll be there, though; I'll be taking care of mom if she's still around. Besides, I never have liked spaghetti. :)

stephanie & lee's wedding

This past weekend I was in Iowa yet again, but this time it was for a very happy occasion. Stephanie and Lee got married!

Stephanie was a beautiful bride, but I didn't get very many pictures of her since Dana and I were actually in the wedding. The pictures I did manage to get are here. It was a beautiful wedding and a unique, fun reception, and Stephanie and Lee looked very happy. And now I'm back home, resting up since about 28 hours in the car in a three-day time span is a lot for a pregnant lady almost out of her first trimester (that'll be Wednesday).